Crisis of Faith/Crisis of Love

by Fr. Thomas Keating

Chapter 19

Peter: The Formation of a Disciple

Part IV

After the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves and fishes, Jesus retired to a mountain to pray. The disciples got into a boat and on his instructions started rowing across the lake.

"Jesus obliged them to proceed to the other shore ahead of him, while he dismissed the crowd himself and went off to pray alone. During the last part of the night, he came toward them, walking over the sea."

When they saw this figure walking on the sea, they were scared. They cried out, "It's a ghost!"

He called back, "Don't be afraid. Take heart. It is I."

There it was, this vision coming towards them, walking on the water. And here they were, in the boat, bouncing around in the waves. When Jesus called out, "don't be afraid," these words resounded like a trumpet call to Peter's pride. He did not want to be rated with these other guys. "Lord, tell me (once again the commanding tone) to come to you over the water!"

The Lord replied, "Come ahead."

Peter climbed over the edge of the boat, his eyes fixed on the Lord, and started moving in the direction of Jesus. He was walking over the water!

Suddenly, he began to feel the stiff wind against his cheeks. He took alarm! Then he saw those big waves. He was terrified! He began to sink. But he had enough presence of mind to cry out, "Lord, save me!"

This was what Jesus was waiting for. Immediately he reached out his hand and pulled him out of the dark water. Jesus climbed into the boat, while the others dragged in the waterlogged fisherman. Peter looked like a drowned rat. This switch of roles from fisherman to fish must have been very humiliating for him, especially in the presence of his friends.

Jesus gives us a good lesson in spiritual direction in this incident.  There are some people to whom you can never tell anything. The only way they can learn is from experience. If you try to tell them, "Look, if you bang your head against a stone wall, you'll get a big lump and a headache, and here are the reasons why,"--they will not listen to you. You can give them all kinds of reasons from science or theology, but they will not believe you. The only way for them to learn is to bang their heads against the wall, feel the bump, and get the headache.

Peter's friends, who were wise to him, were delighted to witness his discomfiture. They did not hesitate to remind him that he made an excellent fisherman, but not much of a fish.

Jesus could have said to him, "Look, Peter, for goodness sake, cool it. Stay in the boat like the others!" But instead, Jesus took him seriously and said, "Come on."

When Peter had dried his hair and perhaps his tears, Jesus remarked, "Peter, how little faith you have!" This rebuke implies that Peter could have walked on the water--it's all the same to Jesus. By pointing out to Peter how little faith he had, Jesus made him reflect on his motivation. Maybe he was not so much in love with Jesus as he thought. Maybe love was not the motive for getting out of the boat. If that had been the motive, he would have succeeded. But he was trying to pull himself up by his own bootstraps; or to put it another way, he was trying to make a big impression on his companions. And so Jesus let him fall on his face.

That is what will happen to us every time we start sticking our chests out too far or trying to impress people. Jesus lets us trip over something and down we go. Then it is time to pray, frankly acknowledge our fault, and wait for God's healing grace.

When they reached the shore, the crowd which had been fed miraculously by Jesus was waiting for them. In answer to their questions, Jesus launched into a long discourse on faith and the Eucharist, which brought about a parting of the ways. many walked away from him for good. John tells us that Jesus turned to his disciples and said, "Will you also go away?"

They replied, "No, we'll stick by you." Peter was their spokesman. Jesus appreciated this vote of confidence because even some of his own disciples said goodbye and went home. The teaching about the Eucharist was too much for them.

Every now and then a crisis like this occurred in the life of Jesus' disciples, and they had to make a decision. This was one of those important and decisive moments, and Peter wound up on the right side.

To Be Continued...

More information can be obtained by reading the book Crisis of Faith/Crisis of Love by Fr. Thomas Keating.  It is offered in our